FUCKING SHIT

i'm too busy because of school to come online...i'm sorry for being a fucking bother to you.you won't have to worry about me talking to you anymore i'm fucking done. sorry for acting like i stalker i guess fucking bullshit.

haha why can't i die?

*shrug* can't sleep, my head hurts from thinking too much and i don't feel like doing anything(my main problem in life) i'm sick of complaining when i have nothing to complain about but i still do it anyway.Sad about being lonely?(pffft, whatever it's just an excuse to feel bad i should be able to get over it) i can't seem to get over it, it's stupid,writing about how i feel doesn't help change anything it just let's me vent until the feelings come back and flood over me again. There shouldn't be any feelings like this in the first place, i'm lonely because i don't do anything about my loneliness it's a simple as that. it's my fault i'm so down and it's my fault that i have no one around me. shouldn't be a surprise though i've always taken care of myself... this feeling doesn't make any sense...my head is starting to hurt more and i still don't have anything to do, my thoughts are jumping around because it's late and i'm writing as i think so try and keep up if you want. it's not just loneliness that's causing this feeling, it's the feeling of knowing that i'm a nothing. i wake up and do nothing, walk around doing nothing, talk about nothing, think about doing nothing, it's a life of nothing, i am a nothing. but i can't just easily say "i want to die" dying isn't an option for me anymore since i'm here and people have raised me and i have to pay them back... not existing would have been nice...lol i'm less than nothing, i ruin lives...mainly my parent's lives. i was an accident i shouldn't have been born i've known this for a while but this is the first time i think i'm typing it. yeah, and now because of me all my parents do now is argue with eachother and work so that i can do nothing... pathetic...i bet that if i wasn't born they would have gone their seperate ways years ago and prolly grew up a bit more and found people they could both get along well with. yay me for fucking that up. a fuck up from the start and a fuck up all thourout my life. sometimes i'd like to die...but then i think about how i would feel at the moment right before i died...it would be a feeling of regret for all the things i haven't done yet, i should make the most of this life. but a fuck up like me just like to do nothing. everyone else will go on to bigger and better things especially you... i'll still be somewhere doing nothing...afraid to end it all and accept death as my punishment for wasting my life. *shurgs* being dead would suit a nothing like me perfetly anyway nothing i do would matter just like now, no one would pay attention to me just like now, time would go on and i'd be forgotten and i could sit in the afterlife all alone doing nothing without worrying about paying bills and such...or i'd burn in hell for being a nothing and an accident...knowing me i'd end up in hell. i don't want to go, that's the last place i'd want to go... but i haven't lived a good life, all i've done is nothing, kinda funny when i think about it...you live your life knowing that you're worse than nothing only to die and burn for eternity. only me lol. why am i the only one that has no one to support them... am i really that unlikable? am i that much of a pain to be around? sometimes i wonder if life is just one big joke and i'm the punch line lol. i have everything but nothing at the same time. i would like to die...or atleast something close to it...i don't want this feeling anymore, the feeling of being unwanted, abandoned, and alone. it's all so stupid...i won't kill myself because i'm too scared honestly, or is it because i'm brave enough to keep going? both are wrong, i'm probably just too lazy to kill myself like anyhting else i plan to do. i guess that's good. i lost my reason for waking up in the morning again...or come to think of it...i never had one...no i had reasons before but now my life is just full of nothing and no one. meaningless complaints of a meaningless guy this whole entry is stupid sorry if you read it all i know i can't give you the time back. but whatever it's all nothing...pointless words of a pointless person with pointless feelings.

ehhhhh?what's been going on i guess

been chillin alot lately watching the prince of tennis and taking naps in the middle of the day then waking up and watching more prince of tennis. sometimes i hop on a new server i started called darkside RO and run around. i met a nice person on there named Saphire. she plays lotsa different characters and we started talking on msn and iwas telling her how i treat my girlfriend. and she said that my way wouldn't work because people are too complicated. and i thought about it and maybe i am too simple minded. there may be no simple way to make things work but i'd like to believe there is =/. but then again what do i know XD. i dunno what i'm even talking about anymore *sighs* i miss ya babe.