Before I start on what's been going on lately, i would like to address the fact that i read over some of my old messages and I was just wondering..."WTF was i thinking?" lol, i actually liked a person so much I pleaded for them in a online blog? really? oh well what's done is done, i kinda forgot it happened and i moved on but wow i wish i had the energy to change em....no point though, gotta keep real records of how i felt and such, you know for the memories and all that junk.
Welp, let's see it's been a while since my last entry...the start of last semester long... anywayz from what i can remember it was an ok semester, my english class was harder than average i think, but i got a B. what made it so hard was the fact that after a while we had 4-5 page writting assignments due EVERY class period and it was tiring. got an A in psychology nothing to say about that class except people can be annoying sometimes. and then there was speech class with Mr.Santos, was a fun class and the people were all nice, my favorite class of the semester in it's material and it's atmosphere. anywayz though enouh of a recap, it's the first post of 2008 and i don't really feal any difference other than the fact that Bush is about to not be president no more, it's gonna be interesting to see the elections, i wonder who i'll vote for (Democrats FTW).well it's 08 and i still feel terrible and down, what did ya expect? inever think to come here when i'm feeling good lol. i took alot of classes this time around (5 for a total of 16 hours) and it's tiring since i don't get alot of time for myself since i'm on campus so much. I think the lack of sleep is contributing to me feeling so bad. i just feel so stuck...nothing i can do when i'm always so exauhsted for no reason...i wish i could sleep through the night...fucking internet...everything just seems so fucked up now. it feels like i hate the world and it hates me back. but i don't know which hate started first... i'm always the one left out and i feel bad that i rely my friends on so much since i'm usually always broke. My only option would be to sit alone, which wouldn't be so bad, but i know what i'd be missing which would hurt worse. I thought about the idea that i'd only be trully happy if i could live completely alone, since i hate dealing with other people so much wouldn't that be better for everyone? i can always dream that i'd be able to do that, but that won't ever happen and i don't think i'll ever learn to associate with others, there's just something about it that i hate...whatever though, can't really think of anything that ouwld make me happy, having my ego satisfied makes me happy, nothing more nothing less, all i care about is myself because myself is really all i have. I complain like there's something wrong but in truth i have mostly everything anyone could ever want and it's not enough, not the best and not the worst. even thought i often feel like the worst since i can't perform on par with the best fucked up ain't it? i'm strong enough to survive on my own but i complain because there is no one that can help in a way that i'd accept. no one can help, I am all alone and it's something i face everyday, "I always look forward as i move ahead in lfe because there's no one by my side." that's the jist of it...there's no point in me taking my eyes off my objective even if it's far off into the distance, other people my dislike me for it and maybe for good reason? don't know and i'm hoping the day comes soon where i can say i don't care and truly mean it. I don't feel like changing the way i am, i'm not all that bad to be around really i don't think, but even if i continue to fail, stummble and fall on my way to my goal...yeah, i'd quit trying more before i continued to fail...but hopefully i'll make it... never saying a word, and getting by haiting the world that rejects me while i sit in loneliness. atleast i'll be a lonely man with lotsa money hopefully... i want my dreams to come true and i hope they do, well atleast i made them a goal and not just wish. someday soon. well for now i guess i'll my life.exe's tast running, no point in terminating it myself lol, i wanna live a reasonably long time...but the loneliness might make me feel immortal.
yup rain...so i had to skip that day and jjust took pictures of things around the house. on the third day i woke up to...rain...again...but luckily it ended and i planned to go take a picture of the tennis court... but in the process of practicing my serve i got invited to rally with a stranger that was like 16 and better than me XD. in the excitement of the game i forgot to take a picture of the court sooooo i decided to settle for a picture of my racquet instead.
. well the next thing that makes me smile is a video game called Disgaea,
it makes me smile not only because of its gameplay and near infinite playability but because of it's adult humor. *clears throat*
