A Loser Offline is a Loser Online

Another weekend full of running around with my friends, i never realized how much i missed hanging out with them over the time was online doing stuff like War of emperium and leveling. it's nice to go out on the weekends instead of staying in the house. we went to 2 malls of over the weekend the first one is the one we always go to called Firewheel mall. We went to eat cause we were hungry so we went to a sandwich place. My freind strikes up a random conversation with the person taking our order which happens to be a cute girl about our age. It's so goofy and all i can doo is put my head down,put my hand on my head and shake my head at him, but of course she's smiling and talking back to him. i wish i could do stuff like that, but i'm too awkward.No point in making excuses, when ever i'm with my friends and their females all i can say is "i hate my life" but i say it more like i'm singing so they think i'm kidding, i get a cheap laugh and remind everyone i exist...it used to get funnier cause i would have a box cutter on my keychain and i would make the motion of my cutting myself,funny...but my dad took it as i noticed in the sandwich place as my friends and i ate,do i used my key to add to the visual effect...once again...funny. It really sux sometimes being in my group and not being able to participate in the conversation because the closest i've come to girl physically in about...4 years is walking past them in the mall...sad. it'd be nice sometimes to just be able to have decent conversation skills or something, even if i did have them i'd still move in my awkward way and still be all alone except for being surrounded by people that are leaving me farther and farther behind everyday. That's how i'mma loser offline,an awkward guy who can't do anything but turn and walk away or end up embarrassing myself for even trying, italways happens,prolly always will happen. you might think"You don't know everything, you have to try before you know you're going to fail" Wrong, fairy tail sayings don't work in real life,i know i'll fail simply because it's the way i am, i don't know what's wrong with me or how to fix it, but even if there is something wrong i wouldn't change it simply because people dislike me, then i'd be like the kind of person i dilike,changing with the time because others do it and it's convienient, i guess i'll go to bed alone,wake up alone, sit back down here again and let go of my lonliness for a while tommorow.How does this translate into me being a loser Online too? i fail at most things i try to do here too, it feels like everything i do for fun here i suck at/get owned/completely and totally don't grasp at all. it's all failure, it's annoying.my situation reminds me of a song...

Still Not Keeping My Word

Took my Accuplacer test today got some nice scores on the regular stuff but failed the college level algebra horribly like i thought i would. so i can either take a developmental math class at the cost of my money and time or a second option of taking the test again, i personally prefer the second choice. taking the class would cost 117$ and retaking the test is 10$. but still that test raped me hardcore i just started to guess in the middle cause i knew i was gonna fail. got my classes after about a 6 hour day of testing and waiting.3 hours of tetsing and about 2 and half hours of waiting to sit with an advisor for 15 minutes. i saw some familiar faces though, 1 girl especially i was glad to see although at first i was scared of her. i was walking back to the registration hall after i had finished my test and i was looking down and thinking like i often do when i see a pair of legs in short shorts walking towards me,me being as scared of females as i am,i begin to get out of the way and continue looking at the ground until i glance up and see the legs directly in front of me and so i try desperately in a last ditch effort to move to other side of the walkway trying to avoid contact when we meet she finally talks to me with a "hey greg!" in a voice that's all too familiar. she used to live in my apartment complex *sighs* she's a beautiful girl there's no doubt, but i'm too much of a weird guy to have a chance with her, i guess she wouldn't even consider me...i'm an awkward clumsy guy,it's annoying.... anyways after i got my classes i was going home to think about how to get money for them and i looked at the paper to see when the money was due;and to my surprise and dismay it was due THAT VERY DAY. so i went back in and handed over 240$ for my classes and i will have to drop biology because it costs 156$ alone and i need to buy books.i heard that the psycology book was 100$ i pray to god that's not true. that's the highlighr of my day since i'm starting school maybe i'll update more frequently whenever something fun or exciting happens. c ya round my captive audience of 1-4 people.

I Never Keep My Word

I said i wouldn't write here again after what happened but i keep thinking about how you asked me why i never write anymore. ya prolly dun remember saying it to me,and why would ya? XD. but anyways i just felt like writing about junk that's going on about to take my acuplacer test tommrow morning.(it's 2 am now i should sleep soon but not like i can pass anyway. atleast the math that is...) so i'm just gonna try and hope for the best. going for a bioology major, i wanna be a researcher that studys cancer, i don't know much about it but i figure i'm young so if i start early maybe i can make a big difference in my life time ya know. nothing much to tell besides that. well besides my random outbursts of "I hate my life~" when i'm around my friends, i'm so far behind them they're in school and have jobs ang females like them... and then there's me who has nothing to show since i've been practically dead for 2 years. i hate it...20 still acting like i'm 15 XD. sad eh? anyways. my mind is jumbbled right now still haven't solved the problem i asked you about earlier. i'm a terrible person i guess. fuck,it's all pointless,nothing i'm doing right now has a point...playing video games sleeping all day it's all junk. but then again i am just a dreamer huh?