Monday, August 20, 2007

A Loser Offline is a Loser Online

Another weekend full of running around with my friends, i never realized how much i missed hanging out with them over the time was online doing stuff like War of emperium and leveling. it's nice to go out on the weekends instead of staying in the house. we went to 2 malls of over the weekend the first one is the one we always go to called Firewheel mall. We went to eat cause we were hungry so we went to a sandwich place. My freind strikes up a random conversation with the person taking our order which happens to be a cute girl about our age. It's so goofy and all i can doo is put my head down,put my hand on my head and shake my head at him, but of course she's smiling and talking back to him. i wish i could do stuff like that, but i'm too awkward.No point in making excuses, when ever i'm with my friends and their females all i can say is "i hate my life" but i say it more like i'm singing so they think i'm kidding, i get a cheap laugh and remind everyone i exist...it used to get funnier cause i would have a box cutter on my keychain and i would make the motion of my cutting myself,funny...but my dad took it as i noticed in the sandwich place as my friends and i ate,do i used my key to add to the visual effect...once again...funny. It really sux sometimes being in my group and not being able to participate in the conversation because the closest i've come to girl physically in about...4 years is walking past them in the mall...sad. it'd be nice sometimes to just be able to have decent conversation skills or something, even if i did have them i'd still move in my awkward way and still be all alone except for being surrounded by people that are leaving me farther and farther behind everyday. That's how i'mma loser offline,an awkward guy who can't do anything but turn and walk away or end up embarrassing myself for even trying, italways happens,prolly always will happen. you might think"You don't know everything, you have to try before you know you're going to fail" Wrong, fairy tail sayings don't work in real life,i know i'll fail simply because it's the way i am, i don't know what's wrong with me or how to fix it, but even if there is something wrong i wouldn't change it simply because people dislike me, then i'd be like the kind of person i dilike,changing with the time because others do it and it's convienient, i guess i'll go to bed alone,wake up alone, sit back down here again and let go of my lonliness for a while tommorow.How does this translate into me being a loser Online too? i fail at most things i try to do here too, it feels like everything i do for fun here i suck at/get owned/completely and totally don't grasp at all. it's all failure, it's annoying.my situation reminds me of a song...

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