the usuall part 2:cry more

well lately i've been feeling kinda down, well down doesn't wuite describe it. It's more like a digging feeling that no matter how bad i feel it get's worse and worse. it started at the movies hanging out with my friends and being a fifth wheel on their little outting without even noticing it until we were actually at the movies. the car ride should have been proof enough that the day was going to be nothing but people showing off their happyness while i did nothing but watch and crack stupid jokes about how lonely i was...yeah funny...any way this is part 2, bottom line is lately i've been hating myself. because all i want is to live a nice quiet life not doing anything...i think about a nice quiet place away from everything where i can just sit alone till my days on this earth are over. but that's not how the world works. as a young man i should be out doing thing to enrich my life and give me a way to live comfortably when i'm old. but if i did have that kind of life i'd miss out on alot of the things i want to do in life while i still can...i dunno...i believe that nothing comes to you if you don't work for it...and the thing i want most is to be able to have someoen to talk to when i feel down...i guess it's just loneliness, it's whatever...i go to sleep at night feeling so alone and it's probably because i don't go out much now. now i'll jump off the subject for a second and tell you partly about why i feel this way. it was late at night and we were chillin in front of my house in my friend's car. it was me and 2 of my friends talking about random stuff.one friend calls Jeff on the phone(the guy from the first post in the movies) and Jeff reveals that he is now sleeping with his manager. Jeff is 2 years younger than me, it jsut kinda sux is all...yup same guy that had sex with girlfriend in my bathroom, same guy that "stole" my last girl friend. umong other things...the list in endless...anyway he's the biggest example...well second bigest example of why i feel so useless and lonely. yeah i'm pretty useless...all i do is sit in the house all day and play RO and listen to music. it's all useless...yeah i have you too but i can describe the way i feel right now as the following. Imagine you're trapped in a really hot desert that only gets hotter hotter as time goes by.(yes i know it's hot year round where you live but imagine that it's unbearably hot) let's say that you are a bottle of water that's i always carry with me. but now that you're gone the bottle is empty and it keeps getting harder and harder to stand and keep going. having a bottle of water with no water in it is exactly how i feel...i have you but i can never talk to you and writting here doesn't really make me feel better...i'm useless...